You have acquired to hand it to Disney. In spite of a relative dearth of Star Wars material released on Could 4, which seemingly we are continue to not drained of calling Star Wars Day, the enterprise continue to managed to dominate the nerd news cycle with a single 13-2nd video clip. 

The movie in issue is Disney Parks’ tease of the Star Wars resort opening in Disney Planet in 2022, the Galactic Starcruiser. We’ve written extensively about the Starcruiser expertise, which in excess of 3 nights will immerse you in a tale about a ship being boarded by Initially Buy troops and saved by the Resistance. Approximated value: $1,400 for each particular person. 

Which on the just one hand sounds like a ton of scratch, but on the other hand…this. 

Certainly, that is a Disney cast member dressed as Rey, demonstrating what appears to be a “actual” lightsaber — by which we signify thoroughly extendable. If you’ve got at any time observed a admirer-developed model, or produced a $200 lightsaber at Star Wars Galaxy’s Edge, you are going to know that they’re actually plastic tubes with LED lights inside of. Exciting, but not specifically the Star Wars aspiration of pressing a button and owning a beam of light-weight go psshhhhhewwww. This is much nearer. 

So what is the offer? Is Disney finding into the superpowered laser small business? Will solid associates have to acquire out additional insurance from accidental severance (lightsabers are all entertaining and video games until finally somebody loses a hand)? And most importantly, will they shut up and consider our money so we can enjoy also? The answers are no, no, and probably not. This is what you need to have to know.

1. Lightsabers are not serious. But. 

Each individual so generally we’re addressed to an overblown story about an inventor who statements to have designed the world’s 1st “serious” lightsaber. In 2020 we got this edition fueled by propane, as nicely as this engineer igniting hydroxy gas to make an exceptionally unsafe jet of flame that seemed a small like Kylo Ren’s spitting pink saber. Neither is going to let you confront off from a Sith Lord — not except it truly is hooked up to an R2-D2-sized fuel tank, which may possibly impede your awesome duel choreography relatively.

At MIT in 2013, scientists managed to make a “photonic molecule” — light-weight particles that bind to every single other, building mass without body weight. But supplied that they could only produce photonic molecules inside a vacuum chamber that was cooled to in the vicinity of absolute zero, headlines that dubbed the experiment a “genuine lightsaber” have been much more than a small misleading. 

We are not there however. Supplied that physics would not function in our universe the way it operates in house fantasy, we may possibly under no circumstances be. Heck, even George Lucas (who often stated he “needed to overlook science and have pleasurable” with the films) had to invent the Kyber crystal just to hand-wave absent the essential issue of how these improbable laser swords drew their ability. 

2. Disney’s ‘lightsaber’ operates like a tape measure. 

We very first got wind of the Starcruiser lightsaber on April 8, when Disney Parks chairman Josh D’Amaro demonstrated it through an unrelated press occasion for Disneyland’s Avengers Campus. The reporters present have been really thrilled by D’Amaro’s demo — “not a ‘I’m carrying all around this lengthy stick’ lightsaber,” a single tweeted, “a FUCKING LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER” — but no photos were out there. 

The world wide web, undefeated, got to do the job and learned a patent Disney Enterprises filed in 2018: “Sword gadget with retractable, internally illuminated blade.” The apparatus it explained contained spools and a motor that rolled and unrolled two “plastic blade physique users…performing substantially like a metallic carpenter’s tape measure.” 

That is correct: If you at any time prolonged a steel tape measure as a child, and ran close to a workshop building lightsaber noises, you have been ahead of the game. And if you’d only patented the concept, Disney may possibly have been paying you a ton of cash correct about now. 

There is much more to it, of study course. The patent describes two semicircular translucent tape steps, fundamentally, that are “zipped” jointly when they exit the lightsaber foundation, and studded with LED lights. VR developer Ben Ridout went into detail in this viral Twitter thread, total with animations. Still, as with all magic, at the time you know how the trick is carried out it does not pretty appear as neat as all that. 

3. You can expect to deal with them. But we will not know if you can invest in them.

Starcruiser notion artwork displays a visitor applying a lightsaber to encounter off towards a remote — but crucially, not versus an additional lightsaber user.

“You can expect to have the possibility to practice in the historical means of the lightsaber,” in accordance to the May perhaps 4 Disney Parks site put up teasing the most recent specifics of the Galactic Starcruiser. The firm also released strategy artwork exhibiting a Starcruiser guest wielding a lightsaber in opposition to what seems to be a wall-mounted remote. 

That’s as a great deal as we know, formally. Also notable was what the Parks website didn’t say. Even though the patent offers a tantalizing risk of presenting the lightsaber as a “collectible,” Disney’s official unveiling will make no point out of remaining in a position to order the cool new lightsaber — or of any real lightsaber-on-lightsaber motion aboard the Starcruiser. 

Which leaves us thinking: How sturdy is this patented retractable sword device in any case? If you ran close to the workshop with a tape measure, you in all probability experienced that Freudian instant where your lightsaber…all of a sudden went floppy. Because if it is really retractable, and winds close to a spool, then it is by definition bendable, and unlikely to retain its form when hitting a comparable object. 

Which in change implies that this new lightsaber may possibly not be the finest toy for a choreographed duel — not except what you happen to be making an attempt to replicate is the schwartz-on-schwartz battle from Spaceballs. The sturdier plastic housing for the Galaxy’s Edge lightsaber does allow for these kinds of rough handling, so never expect that to go absent any time soon. 

Our guess would be that the Starcruiser lightsaber will only be made use of by attendees less than quite confined, managed problems — just one at a time, with no possibility for unmoderated dueling. Continue to, its really existence is very likely to convince hundreds of nerds to portion with $1,400 for the Star Wars journey of a life span. And that is how you change a patent for a flexible lightsaber into a net beneficial for the firm. 

Evil genius, Disney. Evil genius.    

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